I Can't Belive This Is Goodbye
by Love.Heals
Summary: postrent Mimi's in the hospital and not doing too good...but when she appears dead will Roger be able to cope with the pain...or will the bohemians lose two friends in one night! On permanent hiatus!


Can't Believe This Is Goodbye

**A/n Alright I did some MAJOR editing using some of the suggestions that people have left me. The next chapter will be up sometime soon! Please enjoy and no flames please.**

How could I be so stupid, such a fool?

How could I let her go?

Well she's here now and I'll never make that mistake again. It's been two weeks since her brush with death, and I haven't left her side since that fateful night. Mark and Collins keep trying to get me to go home…they say I need to sleep or they will be visiting me here instead of Mimi.

Ha, nice thought. All I've wanted since April died, since angel died was to die…but not now, not when I know Mimi needs me. But what if she does die? Oh God what will I do if she does die? I could go back to the drugs make my pain go away…but Mark what about Mark? I can't put him through that again…maybe if I drown myself…I could make it look like an accident…we will all be better off…

Beep, beep…my train of thought is interrupted by a sudden beeping coming from the heart monitor…now I'm no doctor but I know enough to be able to tell that that's not good.

"HELP! Doctor, Doctor" I screamed pounding on the intercom. Instantly a team of doctors rushes in and desperately try to restart Mimi's heart. My heart seemed to stop for a moment as I look down at the love of my life looking so still and fragile. The doctors are desperately trying to restart her heart, it's nearly unbearable to watch. Oh, no she's not going to make it, oh God help!

I can't stand to see her like this! I rush into the hall, almost knocking over Mark and Collins as I tear down the hall towards the exit, tears streaming down my face. I don't look back I can't not when my love, my soul mate is down the hall. Dead.

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_That's it I'm going to do what I should have done along time ago. I rush to the nearest phone booth, trying to savor every breath of air but with a pang of dread a realize that there is nothing there to savor, like biting into a chocolate egg , only to find that its hollow. _

I quickly dial the number to the loft subconcisly realizing that it's probably the last time I ever will. After a few rings I hear our famous "SPEEEEAAAkK", and smile in spite of myself.

"Hey Mark, it's me Roger, sorry for running out like that. I probably scared you guys to death" Roger said giving a sad chuckle, "Don't worry I didn't do anything stupid"…yet he added silently to himself "I just needed some air and some alone time to think…I…I'll be down by the lake if you need me." Okay that's over; I wonder why I told Mark where I was? He'll probably try to come find me, maybe I didn't want to die so much after all…no don't think like that I told myself firmly…you'll never be able to go through with this if you doubt that you want it.

Roger leaned his head against the cool glass of the phone booth, "Now for the easy part." He said quietly to himself.

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_Back at the hospital (right after Roger ran out)_

"Roger, Hey ROGER! Come back!"

"Code Red cardiac arrest room 101"

Oh shit that's Mimi's room!" exclaimed Collins practically dragging Mark down the hall toward their destination.

"Oh my God what happened?" Maureen demanded appearing out of nowhere Joanne not far behind.

"I don't know" Mark moaned "Roger just ran down the hall like the devil was after him and before we could follow him that announcement thing came on and Collins is like that's Mimi's room…and now were here…"

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_Half an hour later (still at hospital)_

"Welcome back Miss. Marquez you gave us all quite a scare"

Mimi opened her eyes to the sight of 5 blurred figure standing above her. She blinked a few times clearing her vision. Now the 5 figures were recognizable…well at least 4 of them were…There was Collins with his arm reassuringly around Mark, for once in his life not being the strong one, but letting Collins comfort him. On the other side of the bed was the stranger who had spoken…she guessed that he was the doctor. Beside him were Joanne and Maureen holding hands and looking concerned yet hopeful at the same time.

I scanned the room looking for the face I should have seen first, the face that hadn't left me for a minute the whole time I had been here.

That face was gone.

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(_Mimi's POV)_

"Where's…" I started to ask where the face was but Mark cut me off.

"He thought you were dead and ran out…we wanted to follow him but you needed us more …and…well…"

"Shh…don't worry no one blames you for not leaving but…"

"But maybe you two should go hunt him down" Joanne took over "Me and Mo will stay here"

"Ok we won't come back without lover boy" Collins said with mock seriousness before he and Mark left the room.

"I hope that he hasn't done something stupid"

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"Should we split up?" Mark asked uncertainly, he was _not_ functioning well under pressure "Cover more ground or something…."

"Good idea" Collins agreed, "I'll go that way" he said motioning to his right "and you go check down by the life."

"Got it." Mark said giving Collins a shaky thumbs up, and heading in his appointed direction.

As he was walking away Collins suddenly had an idea. "Oh and Mark, we should call Benny…don't give that 'are you high' face three hands are better than two." Mark didn't bother to point out that with the three of them there would be _six_ hands not _three_, instead he obediently walked over to the nearest payphone and dialed Benny's number which he sadly knew by heart.

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Ring! Ring! Ring!

Benny sat up groggily from his sleep, disappointed that he had been woken up in the middle of such an amazing dream. In the dream Mark had called on behalf of his bohemian friends and asking him to come back to bohemia (which was so much better than living with M_uffy_ by the way) Anyways he was not happy about being woken up at that particular time.

"Ello" he said into the phone making a mental note that if this was not important he was going to flip.

"Benny, hi it's me Mark listen I need your help…" Benny listened to Mark with a growing sense of dread. So much for being welcomed back to bohemia…he thought. This was going to be a long night.

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Collins decided to take the logical approach and check the loft to see if there was any sign at where Roger had gone or if he was lucky he might even find Roger…_humph fat chance._

He took the stairs three at a time and fished in his pocket for his key. Once the door was opened he stepped in the loft warily as if anticipating finding Roger's lifeless body sprawled on the floor.

As he continued through the loft Collins found no lifeless body (thank _God)_ nor any other sign that Roger had been there.

'Well so much for that idea' he though to himself. Just as he was about to leave he noticed that the light on the answering machine was blinking indicating that they had a message. "Why not?" Collins asked the empty loft and pressing the button to hear the message.

"Speeeaaakkk"…"Hey Mark its Roger…"

This is going to be a long long night!

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"Hello?" Benny had been searching for the missing Roger with no luck and he was ready to just go home. Screw Roger, after all he's a big boy now he can take care of himself. No stop thinking like that, Benny told himself firmly, that's the kind of thinking that got you exiled from bohemia.

"Benny?"

"Ya"

"Hey it's Collins, could you find Mark then head back to the loft I think I know where he is."

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"Collins, Collins you here man?" Mark called.

"Down here" Collins yelled from the kitchen "Hey…you said you know where Roger is?" asked a breathless Mark. "Here listen to this" Collins played the message that Roger had left earlier that night. After the message was done there was a brief moment of silence that was broken by Benny.

"Should we just let him be or go find him?" Benny asked uncertainly.

"Of course we have to find him what are you stupid?" Mark demanded " Who knows what he might be doing…what he might have already done…oh my God how long ago was did he send this message who knows where he is now…ohmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGod.."

"Mark" Collins suddenly said interrupting Mark's ramblings "SHUT UP! ...this is what were gong to we are going to _**calmly **_go down to the lake and see if Roger is there…if he's not then we are going to split up again and search the area around the lake. Once all that's covered, if we still don't have Roger, we will continue are search, if he's not back by tomorrow well call the cops ok? ...Good? Now let's go!"


End file.
